Hello HOSERS readers,
Here is a new comic. No more promises. Enjoy. :)

Hello HOSERS readers,
I know it's been damn near forever since we've updated, and it may be a while before we update again. But hey, here's to the future!
Enjoy the comic, and thanks for reading.

Hello readers (those we have left).
Suffice it to say, it's been a while. I was looking over the archives, and HOSERS production has been in a fairly steady decline, with only two comics out in 2007 (it will be three, but even so). I love working on the comic, but frankly a lot of the issue is finding time. Not to mention, so many other things going on.
I am going to try to find more time for HOSERS in 2008. It's not really a resolution, per-se, since I can't PROMISE I will, but I want to. I also have two other comics projects I Want to get cracking on in 2008. So for me, 2008 will be the year of the comics. Assuming I find enough free time... between my new job, which has a serious commuting issue (one hour each way, roughly); my part-time teaching job, which starts up in January and goes through April; and my somewhat difficult to overcome weekend apathy, I have some challenges to face -- but hopefully, I'll master them.
But there's a big reason why I want 2008 to be a good year for HOSERS. Even though the first comic was published on March 22, 1999, HOSERS was conceived in 1998 -- meaning the concept itself will turn 10 years old next year. Part of me is excited that I stuck with a project for so long, but then I look at my productivity for 2007 and 2006, and I wonder if I truly did stick with it. So I'm going to give it a kick in the ass!
Lev and I always wanted HOSERS to be just for fun, and never a chore or work. And for me, the artwork is cathartic. Like therapy. Fun, and challenging. And I feel like I've been letting my artistic endeavors, all of them, slowly slip away since leaving college -- a time when I was a pretty artsy person. Theater, music, comics... not so much since then. The comic really has been the one thing I've stuck with, even if failingly as of late.
And I miss it. I miss working on my artwork. Once upon a time I Told myself I would take some time every week and work on artwork, and that the doodles I make in my notepads at work during meetings wouldn't count. In 2008, that is a resolution I make -- even if it's not always HOSERS, I will do SOMETHING every week, that I can be satisfied and proud for having done. Even if it's just concept work for another project, or some random doodle for my DeviantArt account.
Wish me luck. This will be harder, I think, than losing weight.

It appears that due to disuse, general apathy and budget cuts, the decrepit shed that served as our store has finally collapsed. Fear not our faithful fans - with help of some duct tape, spare widgets and illegal transplants we have put it back in service. So, rejoyce ye adoring masses. You can once again satisfy your bouts of consumerism.

The object of your adoration,

CONGRATULATIONS TO Jon Rosenberg of GOATS: The Comic Strip on the arrival of a new family member! HOSERS' birth was greatly inspired by GOATS, and we will always have a place for them in our hearts.

Hello readers! A special treat for you today. HOSERS has provided a guest comic to Two Lumps, a nifty comic about two cats named Ebenezer and Snooch. In case you are reading this after May 14th, try this link to see our contribution. But read the rest of the comics there, too. It's a fun strip!

Also in the news is the upsetting story of Matt Boyd, one of the geniuses behind the old MacHall comics and now the new Three Panel Soul comic. Mind you, Matt is not the artist -- he is the writer.
Matt became interested in a hobby of paper-target shooting, and had the poor timing to discuss this with a co-worker at about the same time as the VT shootings happened. For those who don't know, paper-target shooting with a .22 rifle is pretty harmless, and many Boy Scout rifle-range masters will tell you being shot with a .22 rifle is no fun, but it's rarely lethal.
Apparently someone at his worksite complained about it, and he was promptly fired. On the spot. Without being given a chance to discuss, explain or defend himself. So, he chronicled the story on Three Panel Soul, Starting Here. I guess as a way of letting off steam.
One of the co-workers found the comics, and called the police. He was visited by detectives because he was considered a "borderline terroristic threat". If you are a Lawyer or lawyerly-type person and can help Matt out, please drop him a line ( machallboyd ATTHEPRICEOF gmail.com ). If you are a fellow web 'toonist, a blogger, or anybody with a public outlet thru which to spread the word, please do so.
More information is here, at the Diesel Sweeties blog. Thank you for further supporting webcomics!

Alas my adoring readers, I must protest! The link list below is incomplete. Where would I be if not for... Krispy Kreme UK?

The Object Of Your Adoration, Lev

Today is Online Comics Day. I shall let the comic speak for itself. Some links of interest:
Diesel Sweeties
Comic Maps Project (Under Construction)
Krispy Kreme (just because)

Also in the news, Cadbury has indeed shrunken the size of their Creme Eggs. Oh, you could go to the Cadbury/Schweppes website for Cadbury Creme Eggs and read all about how "they're not smaller, you just grew up!" but we're calling bullshit on them. Cadbury, FESS UP! You did shrink the eggs, and here is the proof, on national television. (Link goes to a YouTube video.)

No update yet, but working on it. Instead I wanted to bring to your attention this interesting newsbit.
Todd "Goliath" Goldman is a popular artist, who makes money selling posters, art and t-shirts at stores such as Hot Topic. He had an art show in San Francisco, where someone noticed one of his art pieces is apparently (and has been proven to be) an exact, direct copy of a scene from a webcomic called Purple Pussy (not safe for work or children). It turns out, much of Mr. Goldman's supposedly "original" work may be plagiarized, as many of the posts in this forum aim to prove. Now, Lev and I don't make any money doing this, but it's really, really wrong if someone were to cop my artwork and make money off of it for themselves. Please don't support this type of intellectual theft... we (webcomics) are a valid, thriving, and real art form, not just a bunch of schlumps. Todd Goldman, pay up... you owe a lot of people a lot of money for using their artwork, and no small amount of recognition.
UPDATE:Todd Goldman's business is settling with Mr. David Kelly. It looks like David has won again in the battle of David and Goliath. However, Mr. Goldman's attorneys are now sending out accusations of libel and slander to any website that tells the truth of this whole situation, and so we here at HOSERS wanting to avoid any kind of legal entanglement have softened the tone of this post and limited it to legally-defensible statements of fact. We say nothing here that isn't true, and where we speculate, we clearly label it as speculation. It sucks that we have to censor ourselves but in thie litigious society, one protects one's self if necessary.

Hi! Here is my update. I cannot predict when the next one will be, but I'm glad I didn't make any stupid New Years' Resolutions! I plan to have at least one more done by our 8th birthday. That's right, Hose-Heads! HOSERS will be 8 years old this year! and what do we have to show for it? Err.... Hm......

Hello, everyone.
I was THIS CLOSE (holding up a finger and a thumb very close together) to getting HOSERS complete tonight, when a nasty bug in my graphics software caused it to crash. I was only a step away from saving, but I suppose this will teach me to click the SAVE button more often. I just get so INTO the work I'm doing, I forget. Anyway, I lost about an hour's worth of (good) coloring work. So, not willing to just dump ugly pictures on the site, I will start over tomorrow and hopefully have something out Monday or Tuesday night.
Oh well. At least it gives me a chance to change my mind on a few of the coloring decisions, if I need to.


Happy holidays to all adoring readers,

It's been entirely too long since I've addressed the masses and entirely too long since we've published a new strip. Alas, it is a busy life, although I will say that we have a good bit of the coming storyline written and dare I say so myself, it's worth waiting for.

Putting the delusions of grandeur aside, I feel I must address some wild rumors that have been circulating for the last few weeks. Indeed, it is true that after living in the good US of A for the past 13 years, I've decided I needed a change and have moved to the UK. It is imperative that the adoring masses make necessary adjustments and bow in the direction of London rather than New York every time they eat a donut. Many of you may ask, what does this mean for hosers? The answer is - absolutely nothing. Hosers has been a long distance cooperating between myself and Aric for many years now, and London, for all practical purposes is as close as any US city.

Having allayed your fears, I shall now retire to violently contemplate the simple beauty of lard fried dough.

The object of your adoration,


Hello. Sorry, this is a week or two late, but it's here. Trying a few new things, some old things again, whatever. It's all in good fun. Enjoy!

Hi all,
Just writing to let you all know that the next HOSERS update will be a special edition, as we are participating in the Online Comics Day event. Follow the link to find out what it is, and see you on May 5th!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, H.O.S.E.R.S.! On this day in 1999, H.O.S.E.R.S.: The Comic Strip was born.
I would like to take a moment to thank Jon Rosenberg and Phillip Karlsson of Goats: The Comic Strip, which at the time was the comic that made Lev and I realize that we, too, could publish our comic strip online and have a little fun doing it. I'd also personally like to thank Jeff Darlington of GPF Comics for his support and encouragement in HOSERS' early years.
My artistic skill has evolved nicely through the years while working on this project, and I daresay Lev's storytelling is always improving. Hopefully we will continue to amuse and entertain our readers with the antics of our self-made, happenstantial heroes and champions of the Doughnut God.
In addition, maybe we shall find some time to toss a few more goodies your way. with production picking up a little on the HOSERS strip, maybe we shall turn to less tasteful endeavours and attempt to entertain the less-wholesome of our readers (and maybe attract some new ones). I am also working on several other projects, in early stages of development, one with another co-author who also happens to be a good friend of mine (and who is a freelance 3-D animator, so if you need 3-D animation done, email him). In the next few years this latter project should hopefully come to its full fruition.
Well folks, it's been a good seven years. Thanks for staying with us. Strap in, keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times, and let's set off for the rest of the adventure!

Holy Moses, the creators of The Holy Bibble just completey, totally sk00led their readership! Now THAT is bloody genius. Way to go, Prophets! Doing exactly what prophets are supposed to do: teach and enlighten. Check it out.

I had something to say about some current events but I changed my mind.

Good day, all. Today marks the first of many updated I have planned this year. I intend to up the HOSERS production by several strips this year. Last year was a bad year, and for all intents and purposes, HOSERS was on hiatus while its artist got his feet back on the ground. Well, they're not firmly planted, but I'd like to try a strip every 2-3 weeks for the time being, unless I can find a faster method of production. So Happy New Year to everyone, and best wishes for many more.

WebComic Telethon

HOSERS is participating in the Webcomic Telethon to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Aric has also contributed as a guest-artist for T Campbell's comic, Search Engine Funnies.


After a year of sweat, blood, tears and procrastination, the long dreaded update of hosers site code is upon us. That's right, hosers.org has been rewritten in XHTML 1.0/Strict. The overall look of the site hasn't changed. After all, by changing it, I would have to admit that the initial design was imperfect and break the hearts of countless fans who adore me as minor deity.

The new code does add a couple of new features. The first is the RSS feed. You can now get the news items and announcements of new strips through the RSS reader of your choice.

The other change is better integration of the hosers store into the site. You will no longer be unceremoneously booted to CafePress site as soon as you enter the store. Instead, these dubious honors would only take place when you place an item in the shopping cart.

A final word of caution. We've tested the new code on as many browsers as we could, but there's never a guarantee that it will work on them all. If you Hosers don't render correctly for you, do let me know (Please keep in mind that Netscape 4.xx and IE 4.xx and earlier versions aren't supported).

Hi. Here's the next strip. I'm hoping to churn these out a bit faster but I don't know, with so many things going on. I'm working on several other projects, and they're usurping my time at the moment. One should be complete very soon. The others will be done notime soon. Aside from the first, HOSERS takes precedence over other projects.
I'd also like to take a moment to thank God or whatever higher power governs the universe. My grandmom had been sick and in the hospital for many months recently. Two weeks ago, on a Wednesday morning, I asked a friend and old colleague of mine to check on my grandmom for me. See, my grandmom was at the hospital where I used to work in Florida before I moved. Bonnie, also a nurse, went to see my grandmom and told me she seemed to be doing well that morning, aside from being a little short of breath and, you know, in the hospital. Then I got a phone call four hours later no only grandchild should ever have to get: the charge nurse told me I had to decide if they should intubate or take any other resuscitative measures, my grandmom's condition had taken a serious, bad turn. My gandmom would not want heroic measures taken, so I declined that, then called Bonnie to check on her again. Sure enough, Bonnie said, she looked like she was ready to pass away. Not in pain; with a very peaceful look on her face; comfortable; just exhibiting signs and symptoms that I, as a nurse, recognized from several of my own patients who had let go when it was their time.
Bonnie told me that, even if I were to get on the next plane, it was unlikely I'd make it back to Florida in time. Nonetheless, I was on the next possible flight, having given my wife only two hours to put affairs in order, pack, and meet me at the airport. Bonnie said she'd sit with my grandmom. I asked Bonnie to do one thing for me: tell my grandmom, every few minutes, that Aric and Cindy were coming (that's my mom, who also happened to be out of town). And she did, and my other old colleague, Mike (also a nurse), did the same for another few hours when Bonnie had to leave.
After the longest flight of my entire life, I met my mom at the airport, and we headed to the hospital. My mom said that her sister had just gotten off the phone with my grandmom. I had to let that sink in....
We went to see my grandmom at the hospital, and she had indeed come around, even though nobody thought she would. My grandmom, the fighter!
The upshot of this is that I had the chance to talk with my grandmom and say my goodbyes, and to be sure she knows how much I love her. She passed away comfortably and peacefully in her sleep a few days later. I was very, very lucky.
Ladies and gentlemen, call your family members. Talk to them, let them know you love them or care about them. You never know what may be around the next bend.
Thank you.

ConGRATULATIONS! To Maritza, the talented creator of College Roomies From Hell!!!. We have ANOTHER baby web'toonist running around. Be careful, we'll be taking over the world soon.... :)

W00000T! It's Done!
That's all.

Technical Difficulties. New comics soon!

Hello. Sorry, Sorry. I've been without my main computer for the past 2 months... hard drive problems. I'm back up and running. Gimme a few more weeks, I guess, to get my act together and finish drawing the next page, and we're back to our regular schedule of once every two or three months. :-P
Or more often, hopefully. But these next few months will be busy for me, probably, so if anything it'll still be irregular. Wish me luck!

Public Service Announcement:
"People willing to trade their freedom for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both." -- Benjamin Franklin

Opnions expressed herein are mine, and not necessarily those of my co-author. I'll leave it to him to agree if he wants.

Dunno when next is. Dealing with post-hurricane cleanup. Wanna try something new next time, too, maybe.
Thank you for reading!

All's well here. No damage, power's back on, etc. Others are not so lucky. If you have some spare change, don't hesitate to donate to the American Red Cross to help those in Florida who were severly hurt by the two hurricanes that bowled through here in the last month.

FUCKING HURRICANES! This is the seconds to come through my area in a month. Needless to say, the strip is DELAYED until Hurricane Jeanne is done destroying my neighborhood. :(

Yes, I am battening down the hatches and boarding up houses for the incoming hurricane. I live in Palm Beach County, FL -- right in the line of fire of Hurricane Frances. So, there is no comic update this week as previously mentioned. Hopefully I will be leaving on Sunday for a few weeks, and when I return, I will wor on the next comic. I'm not apologizing, since I cannot control acts of God. This is just an update.
In other news, because of the hurricane, my gal and I had to completely alter our wedding plans. This means... I'm married! In a whirlwind hurricane wedding pulled together very beautifully at the last moment by our rabbi, Monique and I tied the knot, as it were. We are leaving Sunday, hopefully, to go on our honeymoon.
If there are well-wishers, though, reserve your prayers for those in harm's direct way of the hurricane, and wish us luck with that.... That brand of luck is much more necessary right now. Thank you!

Whomever the hell is using my typical standard screen name of AgentDenim at various entertainment websites, KNOCK IT OFF. That's MY NAME. You know who you are.  >:P  Thank you, that is all.

Well this was a painful project. As you can see, I tried a number of things for this particular comic, and none of them really worked out. Finally, despite my incessant tinkering to get this strip right, I just snapped and decided to publish it, no matter how slipshod it looked. So anyway, this teaches me never to attempt 100% digital production fo an entire comic strip. I invested in pens and paper for a good reason, it turns out. I am happy, however, with the bullethole in the window pane. That's about the only thing that turned out right. But I guess as the artist, I'm always really critical of myself. So help me out. email me and tell me how much this strip sucks (or doesn't). :-)
I'm getting married in three weeks. I may have a comic up before then. I will definitely not have a new comic up during the three-week period of time starting August 29, and since I will not be, ahem, focusing on drawing the comic, likely will not have one up for another week or so after that. Thanks for understanding. wink wink.


It has come to my attention that certain rumors have been circulating among the web comic readers. In particular, the word had it that I have lost my not-so-firm grip on reality and descended into a state of drunken debauchery. I vehemently deny any such accusations, along with other versions of the rumor (except for the one involving a French courtesan and a circus monkey).

The truth behind my prolonged absence is alas, much more prosaic. For the past few weeks, I, along with a crack team of cyber raccoons, have been diligently working on a new and improved engine for the HOSERS website. Fear not our faithful readers, there is no new interface to get used to. There are no new color schemes to send your mind reeling like a drug trip gone awry. Indeed, the new site should look exactly like the old one, unless you're using a really old browser (like Netscape 4). The new engine for hosers generates XHTML 1.0 Strict documents and makes site management much easier. I've tested it with mozilla 1.7, IE5.5 and IE6 and it worked for me. Now, I would appreciate if you give it a spin on your setup and see how well it performs. If you find anything that looks odd or renders incorrectly, please, let me know. You can preview the new site here. I'd appreciate any input.

The object of your adoration,


Hi. Today's comic is the result of a desire to try out a new style I've been working with. Apparently this style was never meant to be used in the main story arc of HOSERS, but tough crap, you're getting it. :P You won't see many strips in the new "Mini-HOSERS" format, so enjoy it while you can.
And for those sick, twisted individuals who have been railing at us to kick the kittens again... now leave us alone.

Sorry this one's delayed. The next one will be easier to draw, so it shouldn't be too far off. I'd give it a week. After the next strip, HOSERS will be delving headfirst into a long storyline, and I'm hoping to keep up a steady pace of at least one update every 10 days, preferably once a week. At any rate, enjoy this comic and the next. I'm taking a week or two off, because I want to finish ironing out a new style/character design for the new storyline. Hopefully, you won't miss us! Thanks for reading.

Here's a new comic. I apologize that it's late. But hey, it's still faster than when I was in school, right?
The exciting conclusion to Agent Latex's story, in the next issue of HOSERS: The Comic Strip.

OK, here it is. Thanks for your patience. I used my technical pens again for the first time in many months, and my hand was a bit shaky. Looked OK on paper, but scanned in, it looked like crap so took me longer to complete.
I'm not sure, but I'll try to have another comic next week sometime. I'm working all weekend, so I won't have the freetime I usually need to have a comic ready by Mondays. But I'll try for sometime Monday to Wednesday.
Thanks for reading!

One more day. My sweetie and I picked up a stray dog last night hoping to find its owner, a very well-fed, well-groomed, housebroken gray schnauzer. Probably just ran away from home yesterday or Saturday. Getting notices out that we found him has taken most of the day today, so I haven't had time to finish the comic.

This good samaritan crap is for the birds.

Looking at having the strip done by Monday. I need my weekends to get the artwork completed on the strips. So from now on, most if not all of the updates will come on Monday or Tuesday.
Thanks. Bye.

And here's the new comic. Thanks for your patience. The portrait pictures took longer than I thought they would. Whatever good words I had for blue pencils... I take them back. Feh.

Most of the work is done for the current comic. I have one complicated image to assemble and color, but once that's done, the comic is essentially complete. I should have it finished if not tonight, then tomorrow morning.
Damn, does it feel good to be able to really work on the comic again. You'll see the difference, I hope. :)

Here I am, all ready to start churning out a strip a week for you nice folks, and my scanner decides to go on the blitz. As I've not yet perfected the art of complete digital drawing (if someone would like to buy me a Cintiq tablet I would be more than happy to start churning out strips even more frequently).
OK, it looks like my scanner is trying to be good now. Let's hope it holds up. I'm looking at having the next comic out by next weekend, and hopefully, doughnut-god willing, every weekend after that barring anything else such as holidays or, you know, a wedding. :)

All is explained above. Today is Web Comics Day. Check it out!
Also: the Web Comics Map Project V2, formerly known as the World Atlas of Comic Creators Online, is up and running! Check it out, too!

Hi, all. If you are a cartoonist, please go to the Online Comics Day web page, and get yourself registered for the event-formerly-known-as-Webcomics Awareness Day! HOSERS will be participating as always, on May 5th, 2004. Keep an eye out!

The story selector box has finally been fixed. It looks like our new host doesn't like perl CGI scripts. We've switched to a PHP solution instead, courtesy of Jason Peck aka Agent Latex.



That's all. Thank you!

Well, here's the new HOSERS comic.
I probably will not have another strip up before I graduate on April 30th, 2004. I will be VERY busy throughout the month of April working on classwork and training for new projects at work. I will, however, TRY to have an update by the end of April. I just can't promise anything.
To HOSERS fans that have been pining for the old days of weekly updates... fear not, they are coming soon. Once I graduate, I plan to go back to weekly updates of strips that will take me less time to draw and edit. The next storyline will be a small extension to this storyline, and should not only be fun, but should also satisfy all of our GPF Comics readers... those who have always wondered, what REALLY happened to Fooker's stint as a HOSERS operative before he joined the UGA? Your answers are coming, starting with the next update and Donut-God-willing, weekly thereafter.
Thanks for reading!

Oh, yeah.
I apologize for the digital font. I know many comic artists use these and they do a really good job with them, but I don't like to use them in HOSERS normally for dialogue. I was, however, experimenting with some new methods of cleaning up my line art, and I lost a majority of the hand-lettered dialog. The digital text was the easiest way to fix that without delaying the strip another week or two.
Thanks for understanding. I mean, it don't look too bad, right? Right.

OK, some minor maintenance. "Lost" a couple of news items on the move to the new host, but still have the latest comics. Well, OK, truth is, I can get the news items, but just don't care to. I was just being a big baby and overreacting. Dungeon Master, your answer is, go ahead and remove your bookmark. To the rest of you, now that we have a new host and are still commited as ever (bahahahahaha) to creating more comics, stick around and enjoy the ride.

Hosers have moved to a new host. We're still hammering out a few bugs here and there, but most of the page should be in working order. The only known bug is the CGI script for storyling selector, which I hope to have working again shortly. Meanwhile, should you notice any bugs - feel free to email me.


Here's the comic, now I need to go tend to my severe flesh wounds. Thanks, you miserable bloodthirsty berserking cat.

Well, here's the next comic in full black, grey and white glory. I would have this to you in color, if you want it next week.

The other news is, I'm beginning the process of moving to a new home this week, which will end sometime in late November. I will of course do my best to have comics to you, but I can't guarantee frequency. Especially if my art supplies are tucked away in a box somewhere. But I want to have one more up before December 1st. We shall see!

I'm in the home stretch for my Master's degree, and should be graduating on May (another reason I'm having trouble with the comic schedule). Anyway, wish me luck. thanks for reading!

Hi!!! Aric asked me to pop in and let you all know he's really effing sorry but life's been too crazy to work on the comic! He's going to do his best to have one up on Sunday October 5th, or if not on that day then a little later in the week, but definitely before this weekend. Why? Because he's starting the process of moving to a new home, and will not be able to really work on the comic much at all before December 1 once this one's posted, so he wanted to see that you got SOMETHING to look at before then! Well, that, and if he doesn't post a comic, I've refused to extract my teeth from his ankle! Wheee!!! Blood.....


Well, OK, here's the explanation:

There, now that that's out of the way, HOSERS is back from it's unplanned 3-month hiatus! Updates will be sporadic, but should be more frequent than once every three months. Both Lev and I had a lot of stuff going on this Summer, but now that Summer is winding down, I'm finding a bit more freetime to get to stuff (like, the comic).

This update marks the end of the Final Lunacy VIII storyline. Up next, we will delve into the dark and lurid past of HOSERS itself.... Or, at least the dark, lurid past of another one of the HOSERS characters. At any rate, keep your eyes peeled. I'm gonna try to have new strips at least monthly, if not more frequently - despite this being my last year of school!

This page has been quiet for too long. And what could more disappointing than me showing up just to announce a technical change. I am in the process of transferring hosers.org domain to a different DNS registrar. While this is taking place the domain may not resolve for a brief period of time. Please be patient - it should be but a brief interruption.


Here's another strip! I have another special update tomorrow, too, for Webcomics' Awareness Day, which we've participated in every May 5th since its inception. May 5th is also National Cartoonists' Day, Cinco de Mayo, and the day before my birthday. May 6th is National Nurses' Day, and this week all week is National Nurses' Week. Many ways to celebrate! Enjoy your first full week of may. I will. :)

Here's a recap to date for everyone who's having trouble keeping us because of the erratic update schedule.

The last storyline, The Mexicali Blues Saga, ended with our heroes on a plane back to Headquarters. On this flight, Aric (aka Agent Denim) aska Agent Fallenone (aka Matt) about the origins of his bottomless trenchcoat. Agent FallenOne slips into flashback mode and tells the story of his idealistic youth as Agent Matt Stein, when he trained and then worked as a secret operative for an organization known only as The Murks. He was good - very good. One day, he was given a mission to protect Lerys Erdenthal, assistant to a prominent research professor. Matt's boss, the Murks leader, warns matt not to fall in love with his client - and despite that, the two grow fond of each other. Little does Matt know, the Murks get a new client. While protecting Lerys one morning, Matt is assaulted by a team of three Murks, and then knocked unconscious. He recalls being tortured for a long time, and finally left in an endless hell for dead... but then awakens, with a renewed sense of purpose. a single purpose. To kill. To kill those who killed Lerys. To kill those who betrayed him. the newfound energy and power in him ached for one thing - blood for blood. But before he launches his one-man war on the Murks, he obtains for himself new vestment in the form of a black, mysterious trenchcoat. He plunges into the depths of Murks headquarters, and nobody can stop him. Blazing a trail of blood and bodies, Matt arrives at the office of his former leader. He's given a somber warning about the true balance of power in the world, and the underlying organization that runs it all - the Illuminati. Matt disregards his former leader's words, and decapitates him. This is where Matt's story leaves off for today's strip. Enjoy!


Well, here's the new HOSERS. I wanted to go back to my old "flashback" style of pencil, charcoal and ink. I'm not as pleased as I want to be with this, but I also kinda rushed it at the end (which is why the /beginning/ looks crappier than the ending, since I'm left handed and need to work from bottom to top, right to left, to prevent the smudging of the pencil and charcoal that invarialby happens anyway). I'll practice some more, maybe next one will make me more happy.

Anyway. Yeah. Bleh.


New comic strip is coming soon, I promise.

I'm not one to much say anything about activist groups, but you all know how HOSERS feels about the militant, extremist activist groups.

We usually reserve comment for the comic strip. However, I've just read an article on the Reuters network that has me positively in stitches from the shee idiocy of it all. Read the article here.

If you don't want to read it, here are a few brief quotes from the article:

" LONDON (Reuters) - The leader of a prominent U.S.-based animal rights group said she had drawn up a will directing that her flesh be barbecued and her skin used to make leather products in protest at man's ill-treatment of animals.

"Ingrid Newkirk, 53, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), said on Thursday she had chosen to donate her body to her organization for use in a variety of startling protests....

" "I want to find ways to have my work live on when I'm gone and this has been my first idea. I will make a stir when I am long in the ground," Newkirk told Reuters."

May I please take a moment to point out the inherent illogic of this statement? I mean really, think about it. If she donates her dead body to her organization for them to cook, skin, tan, turn into furniture and household accessories, then... say it with me... SHE WON'T BE IN THE GROUND! Public service message to all militant activists: Please, think before you speak. Thank you, have a nice day.

The real life Agent Latex has put together this awesome site called My Job Sucks.net which promises to be one of the best contests of one-up-manship on the net. If you ever saw the old Lowbrow.com which no longer exists, and you miss its user-friendly and addictive interface, then My Job Sucks.net is just for you.

Okay, here's the new comic. I'm going to bed. Enjoy!!!


Hi, folks. The strip is scanned and half-colored, but I've been fighting off a pretty serious illness, and pretty serious homework, this week and it came to a head today with a visit to my local, friendly, ER department. Several medications, a litre of IV fluid, and two prescriptions later I stumbled home and fell asleep. I Should have the strip completed tomorrow or Monday, but right now it's myself I need to take care of. Thanks for understanding. Check back soon for the update!

And all you Florida snowbirds from the northern regions of America, leave your goddamned viruses up north and stop bringing them to Florida with you. Bah.

Greeting faithful readers. It is once again time for me to emerge from obscurity and bless you with my infinite wisdom! Or not... actually I figured I didn't write any news in too long and it is time for an update. As some of you may remember, I have once again set on path of knowledge (of a practical kind) and went to an MBA program. Which in turn means that I have spent my last half a year searching for a summer internship (those who have been through the process know the pain it involves). But my efforts have finally been rewarded and I am now looking forward to the second semester filled with donuts and... whatever other activities one can engage in besides the search for an internship. Who knows I may even use the free time to write another update...

Well! Here we are, another HOSERS comic, and it only took a month to get to it! Classes are full underway for me again, and just as rough as before, along with that pesky full-time job thing I keep having to go to every day, durn it! I'll try my best to produce strips more frequently than once a month, but I can't promise anything. I will, however, do my best to get a strip out AT LEAST monthly. Thanks for reading! Hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable holiday season.


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

There will be no new HOSERS comics until after January 6th! Hope you enjoy this, and if it's been a while since you've read HOSERS, there was another update before this one last week so check that out, too. Everyone have a safe holiday season, and remember: If you're drinking, don't drive; if you're driving, don't drink. And in either case, may the doughnuts flow freely and sate your appetite for the pastry of the gods.

AHA! Here ya go! New HOSERS, all spiffy shiny! :) Enjoy!



I swear to the Doughnut God, tomorrow, a new HOSERS will be up! And there will be at least one more before the year changes, which will bring the December total to at least two, which I did promise in my previous newsbox posting!

My finals kicked the living shit out of me, but I did really well so I'm satisfied. My family says I shouldn't beat up on myself so much - but if I didn't, I'd never do the quality work I do. At any rate, I've recovered adequately enough to promise two more strips before year's end. I will be away from the 26th to the 5th, so no new strips during that time unless I manage to get one done ahead fo time, and I update it from New York. At any rate, stay tuned.

And a special thank you goes to Maxx Excalibur for the email! Maxx, you have a really cool name. I love getting email. It lets me know that I have people who actually read my strip and care about it. This is what cartoonists live for. I don't get paid - so these emails are my salary. To all my readers: let me know you appreciate hosers, email me from time to time, okay? :)

Here's a recap to date: HOSERS finished a mission protecting California from invasion by a militant guerilla front for the Illuminati. En-route to Headquarters, Aric asks Agent Fallenone about the origins of his well-stocked trenchcoat. He lapses into a story about a past in which he was trained as a special operative for a peacekeeping group called the Murks. He was good-maybe too good. He was assigned a task as a bodyguard for Lerys Erdenthal, assistant to a Doctor Wykensmeyer. He finds himself falling in love with Lerys, despite being warned by his boss not to. One fateful day, Stein and Lerys are out when two Murks confront them... with a warning that they have new orders. Stein moves to protect Lerys, but is attacked from behind by a third Murk with a shock baton. The last thing Stein hears is that he's in the Big Game, and he's not ready for it. As he blacks out, the last thing he recalls is Lerys.... He awakens chained to a rune-encircled pentagram, and is tortured and finally left for dead... but a spark of life remained in him. Fed by hatred and the lust for revenge, this spark grew, and Stein rose from the dead, feeling the power of purpose burning within him... until the novocaine wore off. This is where we will rejoin the story tomorrow. Thank you for your patience!


Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! This week and hext week are finals, and I need to focus on them. Next comic will be out sometime in the vicinity of December 11th (give or take a few days). I should have 2 or 3 strips out in December, but will be on hiatus from Dec 26 to January 6.

And to all of my Jewish readers, Happy Hannukah! Enjoy the holidays, everybody.


OK, the next strip is about 1/8th done. This full-time job/part-time school thing is really kicking my ass. I'm over one hump, a set of midterm papers that were really rough. My next set of major papers are all due between December 2nd and 9th, though, so I may be an extra week late (or early, I'm not sure yet) with the next strip. My apologies for the poor timeline, but I haven't figured out how to manage my time yet with my new work schedule... though once I am into the next semester, things should get easier for me. I can plan my classes to work around my work schedule. Anyway, the next strip should be up either Sunday or Monday. Thanks for sticking with me!

UPDATE: 11/04/2002

My classes are about to start kicking my ass again, starting in about 5 minutes. I will do my damnedest to have a strip up this week, but I'd just not sure. Keep watching!


Well, here we go! A new strip, exactly one month after my last update. I do hope you're all still with me. Unfortunately, it takes so much effort and time to domplete a strip, and time gets ever scarcer. Is that even a word?

I have a new job. I'm no longer working as a floor nurse in the hospital; I've accepted a position in the Information Systems department working on clinical-side systems for the hospital... essentially, I'll be doing nursing informatics, which is what I actually want to be doing. Whee! It pays a bit better, but it's also full-time. This means, sadly, that I'll have even less free time, since I'm currently working only part-time. The comic strip should not suffer for that, though. Hopefully I'll have a more regular schedule, and be better able to manage my time properly. Updates should never be more than a month apart. I hope! Anyway, I start my new job tomorrow, so wish me luck.

In the interim, if any of you wonderful readers out there would like to supply guest artist strips to fill in for where I'm slacking off, feel free to submit them to us and we'll review them. If Lev and I like 'em, we'll put them up for your fifteen seconds of fame. Or, however long it takes me to generate a new strip. :) Thanks! Enjoy.

A plot synopsis thus far:

Having defeated the Mexican Guerilla Front for the Illuminati, Lev, Aric and Agent FallenOne board a plane back home. On this flight, Aric notes the fact that Agent FallenOne has a mysteriously well-stocked overcoat, and wonders at its origin. Agent FallenOne becomes maudlin as he tells a story of a time he wished he had died... but didn't. In his past, he was trained as an elite member of the secret ops group, the Murks. He was young, but he was also good, earning notoriety and praise for his ability. He landed himself a position as a bodyguard of Lerys Erdenthal. He is told only that powerful people want to capture her, and that they are well-funded, well-armed, and will stop at nothing. Matt is efficient as always, protecting the lovely Lerys - and despite his boss' warnings not to become involved, he finds himself falling for her. One quiet morning, Matt and Lerys are met by two other Murk operatives, who tell Matt that Lerys is to be handed over. They distract matt, while a third electrocutes him with a shock baton from behind. Knocked nearly unconscious, the last thing Matt is told is that his colleagues work for new employers - and that Matt can't handle the big game. He is shocked unconscious... his last waking thought is of Lerys. He awakens to find himself chained to a pentagram, unsure whether he is dead, alive, or in-between -- left to contemplate his past, and the betrayal by those to whom he entrusted his life and soul -- and left to die -- and this is where we pick up today.


Check this article out. This, my friends, is what's wrong with Florida.

I mean, what the hell are Florida DOT people thinking? What's got our legislature so screwed in the head? I'll grant that some older people may have mental faculties clear enough to drive (and that's a VERY small minority of them), but come ON! The reason they all have clean driving records is because they almost all drive 20 MPH under the speed limit, no matter where they're driving. THEIR records are clean, but I'd like to hear from some people who have been in accidents CAUSED by elderly drivers. Ya know, these old farts pop out of a parking lot into oncoming traffic, causing other motorists to swerve and jam on brakes, and these other motorists get all bashed up, while Mr. and Mrs. Old Pokey just go on putting along the road? I've had several near-misses down here in Florida. And I've been in an accident where some old dude thought a red arrow meant "go ahead and turn left through a busy intersection!" Or what about that lady who thought a GREEN right-turn arrow meant she could run a RED light going straight and nearly took the front end off of my BRAND NEW CAR?! Then had the gall to flip ME the bird when I beeped at her? I had the goddamned GREEN LIGHT! Or, what about that old bitty who was behind me at a RED LIGHT, and was laying on her horn because I wouldn't turn right on red into ACTIVE, MOVING traffic? and THEN, she drove AROUND ME, and proceeded to drive 25mph in a 45mph limit? Not to mention, in the process, causing great upset and many near-misses (almost full-blown 3-car pileup) by turning right into oncoming traffic that was turning left, and in the process, turning ACROSS THREE LANES OF MOVING TRAFFIC. Straight across! Didn't turn into nearest lane, than pop over one lane at a time with a turn signal, no, just *swoosh* right across.

I don't CARE about Mr. Haimowitz's independence, or anyone else's in Florida. This may sound uncaring, but that's the tradeoff: Mr. Haimowitz's independence, or saving lives of other motorists. I prefer to value life over independence, thank you. And Mr. Haimowitz admits to drinking 2 ounces of cognac and then going righ tout and driving? Great, so now we're drinking and driving, as if his judgement wasn't impaired enough.

I believe the answer is simple. All people over age 85 should have to re-take the actual driving exam every 5 years, and if they don't pass, then hand them the business card for a taxi service and take scissors to their licenses. It will make all the roads a safer place to be. Don't get me wrong - many people would potentially pass, and that's fine with me, if they can drive, let them keep their licenses. But at least it gets the dangerous ones off the road sooner.

But it will never happen. C'est la vie. Feh.

And by the way, all you idiots out there who don't know how to use turn signals, don't make me rant about you next. Again. Bah.

Next comic coming soon, gonna try to finish it today. Hopefully by Sunday night it'll be fully complete (working Friday and Saturday).


And there you have the obligatory stick figure week done by the co-author. Alas, it wouldn't be appropriate to leave the news item with only one line, since our readers may suspect me of brevity and, by a leap of logic, of talent.

To generate some more verbage, here's my update. Indeed the rumors of me moving around are true. Following Aric's bad example, I went back to school. And, as a result, moved to NYC.

Thats right, it's time to move that pin on the map. The one marking the object of your adoration. And remember to face NYC rather than Boston next time you're reciting your prayers.



Today we have an exciting guest artist - LEV! That's right. Tired of me claiming all the fame for this comic strip, Lev, my co-author, has decided to stretch his artistic wings, and has drawn the current intallment of Final Lunacy VII. Pretty nifty, eh?! In addition, you can see that I have provided a "Bonus Strip" in the footer space. I hope you enjoy this week's updates! Stay tuned. :)


Many thanks to Jim Alexander of Algernon's Dilemma and to Matt Gasser of The Gimblians and Misfits of Fandom for helping me to announce the happy return of HOSERS to the web. I urge all of my readers to visit these other comics, they're great reading to add to your dailiy list of online comicking fun!

Updated 09/02/2002:

Thanks to Kai Satake of Kyoki Press Studios For helping to announce HOSERS' return! Check out Shadowfall, it's a kickass military sci-fi action thriller. Did I get them all, Kai? ;)

Updated 09/03/2002:

Thanks to Russ Williams of Ko Fight Club for the nice blurb about the return of HOSERS! Do you like fights? Do you like ko? Well then, you might enjoy fighting with them little black and white ko pieces! Err, wait.... Maybe that's not quite what it's about, but it's still fun to read!


FINALLY!!! The new strip is here!

Next week I will have a bonus strip to share with you all (something mostly spur-of-the-moment and completely non-sequitur to the current storyline). The next HOSERS update will probably be next week as well - I have an exciting guest artist standing in for me! Someone really wanted to draw a HOSERS strip, so Lev and I discussed it, and we decided to let this artist have the next strip. It's already drawn, in fact. But the guest artist decided to let me do the scanning and coloring - delivered me essentially a final, camera-ready drawing. I think you'll all enjoy it. And no, I'm not telling who the guest artist is until I show the strip! ;)

In other news, my fonts still aren't working. As soon as they are, I will re-do this strip, get rid of the crappy, boring computer fonts and replace them with some cool, exciting computer fonts. Maybe I'll figure out how to make a font of my own handwriting. ...... What?! It's NOT THAT BAD. >:P

Okay, I'm tired and need to get some sleep before work tomorrow, and I've spent far too much time on this one strip. I really hope you all enjoy it.


I should create a Corporate Shitlist.

I feel like half the companies out there in retail or manufacturing exist to screw out their customers. First, Maxtor. Now, EdgeMicro. I won't provide a link to their site because I don't want anyone to buy anything from them or any of their affiliates, or other subsidiaries of International Computer-Xpress Inc. I placed an order for laptop memory with them. Pretty routine, right? Well, two weeks later, I didn't have the memory, and it had never been shipped. I ordered memory from another company, and then wanted to cancel order at Edge Micro. Well, no such frickin' luck.

EdgeMicro won't let you cancel orders over email; not like it matters, I Sent them 6 emails, none of which earned a reply of any use (one email was replied to with the message, literally, "We will ship it soon.") So I tried to call their 800 number. I tried at least 60 times over the course of 7 days to call them and cancel the order. Interminably busy. Even during closed hours, busy. So I looked up their long-distance number, and called it, at least 15 times. Mostly busy. On the few times I do get through, nobody answered. I stayed on hold once, waiting for a representative, for 2 hours. So, I can't call them, and I can't email them. So what do I do? I call my credit card company to dispute the charge. Yes, my friends, they had CHARGED me for the shipment, without even SHIPPING it.

At any rate, I started the dispute process, and contacted the Better Business bureau to file a complaint. Today, I want to gather the information to substantiate my claim with the credit card comany (I had lost all the emails and receipts in the hard drive crash, so I had to get what I could from EdgeMicro's website). When I go to check it, I discover they had shipped my memory... ten days late (when they promise shipping in 7-10 days, these dudes waited 20 days). So, now I have no ability to dispute the claim with the credit card co. And now, I HAVE to receive shipment! Why? If I return it, I lose the return shipping costs and a 15% restocking fee. If I refuse the package at the door, I lose %15, plus a $20 refusal fee. They have my credit card number, and a "Purchase Contract" so I have no legal leg to stand on. So now I'm really screwed, and my last hope is to sell the memory online after I get it, since I can't use it.

So, don't buy from Edge Micro (they're listed on PriceWatch as a vendor, be careful). Instead, for all memory needs, buy from Crucial Technology. I had my memory in less than a day. LESS than a day, from when I ordered it, and I paid only $10 more for that service. It's worth every last damned penny, too.

If anyone needs 256MB of PC100 SODIMM laptop memory, email me. I'll have an extra one to sell in about 5 days. :P

HOSERS returns soon....


Well, well, well.

I've gotten my linux system up and running. It's not tweaked out the way I like, but it's running, stable enough, and ready for use.

This means that, sometime this week, there will be a new HOSERS!!!!!!!!!


Many thanks to Richard Welty, Jim Alexander, and Ricky Lee for their assistance and encouragement! By the way, Richard and Ricky, if you want a (different) URL linked to your name, just drop me an email and tell me what to use.

I hope this marks the end to severe HOSERS delays for a long time. The timing kinda sucked, too. Hell of a cliffhanger to leave you all on....

Coming sonn: The RETURN of Final Lunacy VII!


God Hates Me.

This is the first thing I thought today when I discovered that my hard drive crashed. It's just one in a multitude of computer problems I've been having recently. First, my scanner is no longer supported by the manufacturer for the OS I installed on my laptop when I bought a new hard drive for it. Easily solved, buy a new scanner (I needed one anyway). Random crashes and instabilities in both the laptop and the PC. Annoyances, but nothing a reset won't fix. and then, htere's today.

Today, I came home from work. I turned on my monitor, and noticed I had received an IM from a friend all of two minutes prior to that. So my computer was working fine. I even futzed around on it a bit. Checked a few files on the hard drive. Ran a program or two. Then, suddenly, my computer has a seizure, and the monitor goes blank and freezy. Well, the neyboard ain't workin', I can't see anything working, so what's the natural impulse? Reboot, right? First I try toSSH into the PC machine, since it runs an SSH server. No good, it's dead. So THEN I reboot. Then my computer detects all the hard drives fine. THEN it tells me: primary master drive failed. Well, that primary master drive contains the majority of my digital life - all of HOSERS is now gone, except what exists on this website, completely damning any chance of seeing HOSERS in print. All of my raw, high-res black and white stock images that I use for building look and feel images, site graphics, and product designs, are all gone. All of the pictures I tool on various vacations, and all of the images I had saved for my parents, gone. All of my email archive. All of my game save files (hey, they were important to me). A majority of the papers I've written for my classes over the past year. History.

What REALLY pisses me off is that the hard drive didn't even have the decency to act flakey or generate any errors beforehand. It simply DIED. This, this is NOT right.

Luckily, I still have the laptop, and a CD backup of a few things from the old, dead HD (just some older versions of saved game files). The laptop, luckily, has the presentation on it that I have to make tonight. So maybe God doesn't hate me. But one thing is for sure.

Maxtor makes the worst possible quality hard drives ever. DO NOT BUY MAXTOR HARD DRIVES. This is the second drive I've owned from them that's crapped out on me like this. If you own one, back up everything on it right away to a better-quality drive, and get RID of it. If it were legal for me to say it, I'd call Maxtor the antichrist of hard drive manufacturers. However, it's not legal, so I won't do that. At any rate, that's my story.

Without that hard drive, I can not publish HOSERS. I know I said that I would have one up this week, when my final project was done, but it may not be happenin' this week. Sorry folks, but thanks for understanding.

Where's the new comic? Actually, it's over here at Goats: The Comic Strip on Sunday, July 21st. I drew a guest strip for Jon Rosenberg while he takes a small hiatus. If today isn't the 21st, you can find my contribution here, in the archive. Please go read some Goats! Next update: Unknown. It's the final 2-week stretch of summer classes and I have this GREAT BIG project due. I hope to have it this week, but we'll see.


Well, here we go. finally, updated! First off, because I told the artist I would, and because it's a nifty comic, check out Dreaming Karynn by Mark Go. It's pretty nifty! Mark, hope you make some more.

Anyway, I hope you all aren't too upset about the delayed update... this one was a bit artistically intense, and I HATE persepctive... pain in the ass to work with like this. And then I realized, just as difficult as it was to draw, so was it difficult to color.... But alas, we have a finished product.

Not much new going on in my life to talk about. No new car wrecks, no natural disasters, no computer problems. Just some nasty thunderstorms and nonstop rain here in Florida... I think it's been sunny only one day out of the past two months. I used to like rain, but enough, already. I want to see some gaddanged sunshine, on a day I'm not stuck in work. Well, it could be worse. It could be a severe drought, like it was last year. I guess too much is better than not enough. Count our blessings, right?

I dunno when the next update will be. hopefully within the next two weeks. Hopefully. I have a small side-project to take care of for another comic strip, but that shouldn't be too resource intensive. Famous last words? We'll see....


YAY! For those who have been following and/or care about the disposition of my claim with State Farm, here's the good news: State Farm not only declared my car a total loss, they estimated the value of my car better than the actual payoff value of my car! With the extra money as down payment, I was able to get myself into a new car today! Look at my new car!!! Well, look at it only if you really want to. Next HOSERS soon... I'm still waiting on a script, but in the meantime, enjoy some "Superhero Hosers" pictures I made over at The Hero Machine. Granted, they're not 100% accurate, but they're really not so bad! Soon, my friends, soon, the next HOSERS will arrive....

Edited July 3rd, 2002: Links above were both broken, and are now repaired.


Quick Note: About reading the current storyline. I'm doing flashback sequences differently for this story. I'm not using pencil and charcoal on paper, I don't quite have the time for it, and wanted to try something new. So I'm doing them all in three-tone computer-colored sequences. That is, any time you can only make out three (3) distinct colors in a strip, that's part of a flashback (i.e. the current strip has red, black, and white; the previous was yellow, black and white). IF you see full-color (like the last panel in today's strip) then that's a present-time occurrence (in this case, Stein, in the present time, commenting on the story he's telling).

Hope that clears things up for those who were confused. Enjoy. :)

Aric just finished the comic. However, he had to go to bed since he has to work tomorrow. He asked me to update the site so that Rafi Sofaer doesn't come and kill us all. (By the way, Rafi, if you have a website, and if you email it to us, we'll link it right here for ya). Also, Aric wanted to express thanks to Jim Alexander of Algernon's Dilemma for the words of support. Aric's head is healing quite fine (it wasn't a literal crack in the skull, just sounded like that when his head hit the concrete). And State Farm might total that wreck of a car! Aric'll find out tomorrow.... Anyway, hope you enjoy the comic. Next update should be simetime in the next two weeks, assuming Rafi doesn't berserk on us... though if he does... he's no match for Vinegar, the BERSERKER KITTEN! Bring it on. =^.^=;


Status: Done! This week's strip just really makes me happy. Dunno what about it makes me happy, but it just... does. Something about the way a bunch of chickenscratch pencil and ink lines turns into the image above just makes me satisfied to have done a good job. I can't say that every day, and not aobut every strip, so I'm going to go celebrate this for a bit.

Just in case you're joining us after some sort of hiatus, here's a quick update on where things are since the last recap I gave you all. During the Mexicali Blues Saga, the HOSERS team found themselves trapped in the base of the Mexican guerilla front for the Illuminati after learning of plans for this guerilla group to take over the state of California and claim it in the name of Mexico. The HOSERS find there a blast from Aric's past, an old ex-love, Jean, that had manipulated him into killing a man to protect her many years ago. She reveals that she was indeed only protecting her poodle, which was being held hostage by the Illuminati. She says, however, she has not been able to escape their grasp, and they now are holding her hostage. When she asks for their help, Aric finally sees through her lies, and confronts her. Found out, Jean confesses to setting lies and traps that Aric simply fell for all along. Deciding she no longer needed the HOSERS alive any more, she pulls a gun and prepares to fire -- when Lev pulls a doughnut out of his coat, throws it at the gun the instant Jean pulls the trigger... one bullet is fired, followed by an explosion... the bullet narrowly misses Aric's head... and we can only assume that the gun (and the person using it) were destroyed by the explosion. What kind of doughnut WAS that?! Agent FallenOne asks.... Semtex Creme, my personal favorite, Lev replies. The HOSERS prepare to escape the base, leaving a path of destruction in their wake - Agent FallenOne pulls from his trenchcoat a large gatling chaingun, which Aric uses; Lev uses his fists, a pipe, and his martial skills, and Agent FallenOne clears the way with a broadsword found in his trenchcoat. From afar, the army wathces the base go up in flames and calls off their assault. And from a distant hillside, Nuke the Midget looks on, and states that Jean was no match for the HOSERS after all... but to fear not, Jill, revenge is coming!

The HOSERS board their private company jet, and begin the journey home.... And it is on this flight that Aric asks Agent FallenOne about the origin of his well-stocked trenchcoat. Here begins Final Lunacy VII - Agent FallenOne's Story. Enjoy!


It's May 5th... today is National Cartoonists' Day! Once again, HOSERS is participating in the WebComics Awareness project... if a bit tongue-in-cheek. :) Click Here to see last year's contribution. The guest character in the WCA2002 strip is Professor Ashfield, of ? (aka Ashfield Online), a comic strip by Aric McKeown (yes, another web cartoonist with the same first name as me! Creepy, ain't it?).

Also new today is another project I've been working on for the past few months with two other cartoonists and the support of a whole community: the World Atlas of Comic Creators Online, also known as W.A.C.C.O. or simply, "The Map Project." In a nutshell, it's a fully navigable map of the world that one can use to locate web cartoonists within a certain geographical region. Just for fun, or if you're travelling and want to see who you might be able to meet.... It was a fun project to work on. Check it out!

Furthermore, tomorrow is May 6th! For those of you who don't know, it's my 25th Birthday. One-quarter of a century old... ten years ago, I didn't even know I could live to be this old. I thought I'd be young forever.... But then, I'm a cartoonist, so I'll never really grow up.

May 6th is also Nurses' Day! Since I am a professional nurse, I want to be sure everyone understands that I fully expect two complete sets of presents for the holiday on Monday. Wheee! Okay, I'm done blabbering. I expect the next HOSERS to be up sometime next weekend.

I'm looking for a person. his name is Morris Edmund Green, last seen living int he vicinity of Cherry Hill / Haddonfield, New Jersey. If anyone has any clue as to how to get in touch with this important man, please let me know right away. Thanks a million.

MRRROOWWW! Aric just got the Webalizer working again with the help of technical master Dave Terrell, and I just got a look at the statistics and WOW, am I impressed! Of course, as a simple-minded kitten, I'm impressed by a lot. Check out those stats if you like on the Reports page.... I understand that hits alone don't count for much, but the fact that we've gone from 30k hits in August to about 70k hits in March is still great news to me. We passed our 50k hits/month milestone, and didn't even know it because Webalizer was broken. Well, on behalf of all the HOSERS and KillerFrog Group team, I want to thank you all for your continued readership! Mrrrreoww!!


HOSERS: waging the ever-growing war against questionable business practices and overpriced domain registration services! Network Solutions/Verisign is at it again, people. You all may know about the... distaste... we at HOSERS/KillerFrog Group Productions have for NSI after the mistreatment we received from them last September. We now have another reason to dislike them!

I have been alerted by my colleague and pal Kaichi Satake of Kyoki Press about the latest scheme developed by the money-grubbers at Verisign. This is the salient, important information from the email (it was sent from GoDaddy.com, a competing registrar service). Ladies and gents, this email was targeted for GoDaddy.com customers, but equally applies to any registrant customer, like joker.com, godaddy.com, or any of a number of other domain registrars. We'd like to note this important fact now: You do NOT have to pay $35 a year any more to register a domain name! If you're paying more than $12 a year to register a domain name, you're getting ripped off. Especially with Verisign, a company known for its notorious, mercenary, money-centric practices and its completely horrendous customer support. Read on, and don't be swindled out of your money by evil elitists!

Begin quote:


Please be aware that Verisign, Inc. (formerly Network Solutions) is sending via the US Mail, what we believe to be deceptive and predatory domain expiration notices.

The purpose behind these notices is to get the unsuspecting customer to transfer to and renew their domain name(s) with Verisign Inc. at significantly higher prices.

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Here we go! Hope it's not too terribly late. Midterms are almost over, and the heat of all the projects I have to do is letting off just a little, but not for too terribly long. I'm not sure when the next HOSERS is due, but I will try to be a bit more communicative regarding when the updates will occur. Thanks for your patience!

Also, wanted to let all my readers know about a new comic service on the web called Modern Tales, a site that offers a subscription service to around 20 top-quality web cartoons. Check them out and see if it's something you'd be interested in, and help support the budding webcomic industry. Thanks! Keep on reading.

QUICK RECAP: This is the storyline to today, for those who don't want to navigate the archives to remember what's been going on. After defeating the Great Scott in the Martial Arts Tournament in Tokyo, Japan, Lev and his compatriots board an airplane destined back across the Pacific Ocean. Bob notifies the agents that their next mission takes them to Mexicali, Baja California, Mexico. Aric (Agent Denim) suddenly states that, under no circumstances, will he go to Mexico. Despite protests, he slips into a flashback sequence, where he reveals that in a fit of depression and carelessness, he had driven cross-country from Bakersville, North Carolina to Mexicali, Mexico. While he was there, pounding down peso after peso of warm, Mexican beer, he met a dream love: a raven-haired beauty named Jean. The two of them enjoyed a long summer of passion, sex and carefree living, until one day, when a dark-clad man came into town, claiming to be a U.S. Marshall. Jean, crying and scared, handed Aric a gun, saying that if Aric didn't kill the Marshall, he would take her away - dead or alive. In a fit of rage-blinded anger, Aric ran to the street, shot and killed the Marshall. Jean came out to the street to check if the lawman was still alive, then looked at Aric with eyes that held ony distance, coldness and ice. Aric ran, and never looked back. Suddenly, a car pulls up behind Aric as he's running across the desert, and it's a Mexican badito, with a Russian accent - Lev. The two decided to team up out of convenience, and had been friends ever since.

Back in real time, Aric makes a final statement that he will not go back to Mexicali, at which point Lev reminds him that it's now too late, the plane doesn't have enough fuel to turn around. the HOSERS unload from the plane, and are met on the tarmac by Bob, off of a HOSERS helicopter, who brings them to a meeting room with military officials who want merely to plan and discuss. The HOSERS decide to take matters into their own hands and head out to explore the sandy desert. Soon, they're captured by revolutionary guerillas waving big guns, and are marched to a mansion on a hilltop, liberated from the unjust by the revolutionary army, which now serves as a base of operations. the HOSERS are thrown into a room full of computer monitors and consoles. Inside this room is a woman, with raven hair - and Aric and Jean immediately recognize each other. Aric's fears have suddenly, ironically, become very real again.

And that's where we are now! enjoy.

Soon. Pencilwork is done, inking and coloring soon to follow.... I'd say, before Friday. Really. And remind me to have a chat with Vinegar about creating schedules for me that I can't keep! :P

Hi! Aric's done the strip, and colored it and everything, but he's feeling too sick to manage the website at the moment so I'm doing it! See, all my web-surfing experience DOES pay off, no matter how painful it is. Anyway, we hope you like the new strip! Watch this space for the next planned update. Next week is spring break, but Aric's professors decided that he needed some essays and take-home midterms to keep him occupied during that time (so, really, the only break he gets is form the actual classroom time). Hopefully something will be ready by the end of the first week of March. Hopefully! Mrrrooowwww!!!!!


Tomorrow, I promise. the strip is done, I just need to scan and ink it. I'm still sick with bad sinus pain and a cough that makes me sound like I've been a smoker for fifteen years. I'm gonna get some rest, and tomorrow (Tuesday) the strip will be done, and colored.

Thanks for your support!

Looks good. It's 18:54 EST and all is coming along. Strip is mostly pencilled, all it needs is a fresh coat of ink. I'm sick with the flu again and am under commandment from fmaily and co-author to take it easy, so I can't promise color this week. We'll see how the inking goes. Keep an eye out, should be done sometime Monday.


I'm not sure what to say at this point. I know HOSERS has gone two weeks now without an update, despite my desire to have on up this weekend for you all. My classwork really is intense this semester. Either I was doing something really right or really wrong last semester that made it so easy comparatively, but I just wasn't prepared for the level of work I have to do now.

I went out for a bit with my family today, and my mom was teasing me about how difficult it is to get back to the gym once you stop going (since I stopped going last December). My comment was that I hadn't even tried to get back, because I've simply been too busy with my classwork. After a moment, my mom said she had never heard me say that classwork was too overwhelming as to impede in my normal activities. I had to stop and think about that for a while. I knew grad school was going to be hard, but I guess I hadn't planned for it to completely over-run my life like it has.

I need some time to figure out how to re-arrange my life and my schedule to encompass work and school comfortably, and still leave time for me to do the things I want to do, that bring me a release from stress - exercise, the comic strip, time out with family. I had it all figured out last semester, but whatever I did then, just isn't working now. I think it took me a month too long to figure that out, but oh well! I still have 10 weeks left to the semester, and I can still do some good with what's left.

Unfortunately, what I can't do, apparently, is have another HOSERS ready before next Monday (February 25). The possibility exists that I'll have a new strip up by Saturday, but I don't want to make any more promises I can't keep. Even next Monday I can't promise. but I'll do my best. Luckily for us, Lev made it a fairly straightforward script. :-)

Thanks for your continued support, and I hope to see you again back here next week. On a side note, if anyone out there is intimately familiar with Rosemarie Parse's Theory of Human Becoming or with Nursing Research in general, please let me know. I could use some help. ;-)

For those who read it, Life Is Rad by Corey Marie Kitley is back up and running after being silent for months.... Check it out if you haven't seen it yet. Fun stuff!


Aric's too busy working on his classwork to do anything REALLY important, like finish this week's HOSERS. Judging by the pile of books and papers he has to wade through, I don't think he'll have anything ready for us this week, but hopefully this coming weekend he'll finish the next HOSERS installation.... I really don't understand why you silly humans care so much about your advanced education. All it seems to be to me is a great big hassle, combined with a headache, and a really bad case of the litterbox runnies. Am I allowed to say that here?

Oh well. If I could draw, I'd post the next strip myself. Alas, I'm not graced with opposable thumbs, so I'll just have to ask you to politely, patiently wait until Aric is out from under the pile of homework and research, and to thank you for your generosity.... Mrrroww!!


Hello, readers! This is the new installment of HOSERS. I ran a bit late with it, and I'm too tred to color it right this minute, and I don't want to do a half-assed rush-job on it, so I'm posting the black & white image for you so that you can still get your HOSERS fix this week! If I have time, I'll color it with the next strip and roll them both out at the same time (I'll let you know to click the Previous button above if I do this). I will color next week's strip first, though, since it's more important to me that the latest one get the full amount of work possible; that is, I'm not going to color today's strip and then be too tired to color next week's strip, only to post it in black and white next week. Know what I mean? Good!

On a brief side note, I have an issue of importance to discuss with you. You all know that HOSERS has never asked for donations or ever hoped to raise money for itself at all. However, I will make a small request for those truly serious about donating to good causes. My mom, Cindy Newman, is walking in the Florida Avon Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk, run by Pallotta TeamWorks. This is a 3-day, 60-mile walkathon from Boca Raton, FL to Miami, FL. The walkers must raise $1900 for this cause in order to walk, and she could really use some help meeting her goals. All donations will go towards providing funding for research, diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer. And not only will my mom be walking in the event, I'll be working on the Nursing crew, and my stepdad will be working on the ground crew team for this wonderful cause. Lev is donating, I'm donating both time and money, and all I ask is that, if you feel you can make a serious contribution to her cause, to please send me an email, and in that email, please include the following information (I guarantee in the ethical and legal sense that all information will be used solely for contacting you through necessary channels regarding the Avon Breast Cancer Walk): your full name and your mailing address. My mom will then send you some information in the mail, and you can respond accordingly. Please do NOT send me Pay-pal donations, my mom won't be able to properly account for those. For more information regarding the Avon 3-Day and Pallotta Teamworks' other chartiable events, visit their website at http://www.BeThePeople.com. It IS possible for you to make a donation on the website using my mom's name (Cindy Newman if you missed it above), but if you do that, please send me an email with your Name, Address, and amount of donation so that my mom, and Pallotta, can thank you for your generosity.

Thank you for your time, and for reading this far. Here's to finding a cure!

P.S. Yes, I know Sunday was the 20th, not the 19th. I don't know what I was smoking. ;)

P.P.S. If you do donate on the website, use Mom's participant ID: 1744 since there may be more than one Cindy Newman participating. Thanks!!!


Hi, folks! It looks like HOSERS is shaping to update on Sunday Jan 19th before Sunday turns to Monday. Barring any unforseen complications, it should be ready by then. I'm working on another small project, and I have work and class in the interim. Thanks for reading! If you're new to the site, feel free to start reading from The Beginning but I recommend you start FIRST at the beginning of the HOSERU Saga which was the start of the best work the HOSERS site has ever made to date. After reading from there, then jump back to the beginning and read up on the historical, adventurous backgrounds of HOSERS.

Also, an astute reader asks: "So what iis it? H.O.S.E.R.S. or HOSERS?" The answer, my friends: It's interchangeable, depending on the supply of dots in the supply depot. Hope that clears things up! Keep on reading! ;D

And thus begins the second arc of the Mexicali blues saga. I wonder how many readers can anser the following question. "Which show does the Library Defense Force come from?". If you have an answer drop me an e-mail.


Vinegar finally let me go long enough to get the work done. I've tried a couple different, new things in setting up the color for this week's strip, though you may not notice much of a change. Either way, I hope you enjoy it. I'm still trying to figure out how my schedule works, so I'm not sure yet when the next HOSERS will arrive. Keep an eye on the site and I'll let you know.

Aside from that, nothing else to tell. I seem to have shaken my cold for now, and hopefully it won't come back. My throat is still just a tiny bit sore, but no headaches yet. I say yet, because NOW I'm going to go do homework. Talk about headache! Oyy, school is SO much fun. :P

Aric's feeling better after a nap and some drugs, and finally he's going to get to work on the strip. As soon as it's done, I'll disengage my teeth from his ankle. New strip will be up really soon.... Also, I gots my own email address if y'all wanna send me mail. Just click above! Mrrow!!

Bruce Wright writes: "Interestingly, Wendy's in Australia sells mainly donuts and not burgers so your mourning him is not unusual here." This is great news. My respect for Dave is only going up. Although here in Boston we still must get our burgers from Wendy's and donuts from Dunkin Donuts. Keep your eyes open for the next hosers special: HOSERS DO AUSTRALIA! (No Vinegar, you can't eat the kangaroo).


Dear readers, it is my pleasure to unveil the new hosers web site. After countless hours of work, many sleepless nights and blistered fingertips - it is ready. And so, my dear readers, behold the glory of the new creation! Kneel before its awesome power and please do send praises and flames to me.

On technical details, I tried to keep this page compliant with HTML 4.0 standard. As a result Netscape 4.0 may not be able to display some of the decorations. Mozilla/Nescape 6.x should render it fine. The site is also readable with Lynx, except for the graphics, but Aric will be redrawing all strips in ASCII art. For the technically curious crowd, all pages are auto generated using zsh script, cut and sed.

Usual disclaimers apply: no illicit drugs were used in building of this web page, choice of colors is purely coincidental and isn't related to any person, pet or architectural monstrosity.

Unfortunately, I have sadder news to report as well. Dave Thomas the founder of Wendy's passed away today. I know hosers usually is more concerned with all things donuts, but we're great burger lovers as well. We will always remember Dave as a man who made the burger eaters world a little brighter. To commemorate this great man, I encourage all you hosers to go to Wendy's for lunch and say a few good words about Dave.


Lev did one hell of a bangup job on this site update, don't you think? With the new site update, getting comics in place should be much easier for me, and it looks a whole lot nicer than that shit of a web page I built three years ago. HOSERS no longer offers more bier and doughnuts per square inch than any other comic, but we can offer you the path to doughy, powedered-sugar enlightenment and help you in your quest to find the inner doughnut.

Next comic should be in place on Saturday sometime. Doughnut-God-willing!

Well, finally I get to have a voice of my own. Isn't it amazing what modern technology can do? Meow!!! Pretty soon, I might even be able to finagle myself an email address, instead of having it all filtered through Aric's email....



Welcome back to HOSERS! To see some Guest Art I did for Jamie Robertson at Clan of the Cats then click HERE and take a look. Afterwards, read the rest of CotC, because it's a great strip with a unique style and artistry to it.

That said, HOSERS has returned from its winter hiatus. Hope y'all didn't miss me too much! I've returned with the beginning of the second half to the Mexicali Blues Saga, also known as A Long Strange Trip. Hopefully this year will see an end to another fun storyline with plenty of new twists!

I was going to take some time to look back over the past year, so here goes... something. HOSERS had a VERY good year in 2001. As our third year, I was hoping to take it artistically and content-wise to a whole new level, and Lev was no less dedicated. After spending our first two years writing jokes and short storylines to flex our individual creative talents - Lev for writing and storytelling, and myself for storytelling and artistry - we finally decided this year had to be a serious effort to bring HOSERS forth as a professional entity, even if we don't make profits from it.

I think our goals have been very-well realized, if even a bit late in the making. The artistic look and feel of HOSERS soared to a whole new level with the HOSERU Saga begun in January of 2001. Intentinally designed both artistically as a crossover into a new style of publishing that HOSERS had not yet mastered at the time, and into the first truly cohesive and self-standing storyline we've attempted to date, I think it worked admirably. We've received naught but compliments on the vast improvements to our storytelling and artwork that can do naught but continue to improve with each new story. HOSERS is also currently undergoing an entire website redesign from the backend to the front page that will increase its efficiency, navigability and visibility, and will provide 100% compliance with HTML4.0+ standards. All in all, I think this year has been VERY, very productive for HOSERS.

What's in the works for this year? Lev plans to complete the site redesigns this year, even as he aspires to matriculate to a graduate business school to begin work on his Master's degree. I will continue to experiment and push the quality of HOSERS ever forward. I want to become more familiar with the theories and practice of the art of comics and to immerse myself more fully in my art. At the same time, I will plan to continue work on my master's degree, so despite lofty goals, my priorities must also be set. ;) I also plan to spend the next few years working on new comics, a series of short story graphic novels I've had tumbling around in my head for a few years now that have finally found inspiration for their release. However, these works will likely not be available to the public for a few years; I plan to draw them entirely ahead of time and to take my time with them as well, since I do not desire to rush myself as I sometimes do when trying to meet deadlines for HOSERS (self-imposed or otherwise). I will be publishing these on the web, and likely will be looking to finance a small run of print copies if I can gather enough interest in them once they've gone to the web. We'll see what happens. In addition, HOSERS will be three years old on March 22, 2002. If you have any ideas on how to celebrate, drop me an email. :) I can't wait for our fourth birthday, the date will be 3/22/3 :-D.

That's all the schtick I have about the New Year. Keep on reading, my loyal readers and newcomers alike, and have a safe, happy, healthy New Year!

Another quick link: Ever wonder what a HOSER is? Well, most people are aware of the "Hoser, eh" of Canadian lore. But did you know about the high-tech, modern-age description? Thanks to the University of California at Berkeley, we now know What is a HOSER?. Good reads. So... are YOU a hoser?

I am pleased to announce that hosers.org will live. A few angry calls to Network Solutions / Verisign straightened the matter out and the domain is now registered with Core, GmbH. Now, that it's all worked out, I don't even feel like beating on the dead dog called NSI, but they are certainly not getting my business in the future. Now for something entirely different, I know I have not been posting much in terms of news and there is no excuse for that. I usually let Aric speak, because my rantings on most matters would trigger every possible censorship filter and render hosers inaccessible to some of our valued readers. Even now I am barely restraining myself from saying more than I should. Ah what the #$#! .. #$!@)((*!@*(#!!! F$#@#*&#&$+ B#@@ &(_$~!)_ ... [THE REST OF THIS NEWS ITEM HAS BEEN CENSORED BY HOSERS COMPLIANCE DEPARTMENT, THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED PATRONAGE, HAVE A NICE DAY]

UPDATE: Changed HOSERS store items! All shirts and images are now in FULL COLOR. I removed mousepads from the list, though, since the image wouldn't work right that I Wanted to use... if I fix it, I'll let you know. New to the store: Grey T-shirts, long-sleeve T-shirts, and grey sweatshirts! Previously exiting white Tees, 11-oz and 15-oz mugs are all available, too, with freshly-upgraded images! Check it out RIGHT NOW!

© 1999-present by Aric S. Campling and Lev Babiev. Produced by The KillerFrog Group Productions; all rights reserved. Use of all materials on this page and this site subject to US and international copyright law. If you wish to use any of these materials, please see this page or e-mail Aric.

In addition, express permission is given by the author for anyone to draw horns and mustaches on any characters in this strip. Thank you.